In March of this year (2019), my world was shaken, awaken and reminded
of something that I never thought would happen. Our only living sister
decided to search for my brother and me … and she found us. Now you are
probably wondering why, how, “what in the world” and scratching your
head for answers. Unfortunately, we (my sister, my brother and me) do not
have answers. Everything that happened was beyond our control because we
were children. We have been adults for a long time now, which means we
get to choose and this is a perfect example of “better late than never.”
Therefore, I am not going to assume, I am not going to point fingers, nor am
I going to dig up old wounds that took years to heal. I am rejoicing! I am
happy and I applaud my sister for taking the initiative to find us, call me and
meet me for dinner. I applaud her bravery and her ability to navigate through
the unknown because it was important to her.
I always look for the life lessons because our experiences determine who we
become, by how we choose to accept them. We can either hold on to anger
and resentment, or, we can choose to shift our mindset and seek out what is
positive. We may have to dig deep but there is always something positive.
Here are my takeaways from this experience:
It’s important to deal with the issues of the heart. I believe that the heart
is a compass and when you follow it, it leads you to truth. My sister was
searching for answers, she wanted to know or at least meet her siblings, and
while it may not have been a constant search, the desire would often revisit
her, and she finally made her decision to reach out. In other words, she
listened to her heart.
It’s important to find the missing pieces. Life is like a puzzle. Sometimes
the pieces are lost, which means you can’t complete it until you find what’s
missing. In our case, we knew each other existed. We knew that we share the
same father … but we all had questions. What we didn’t know was how our
lives turned out. Did we have children? Did we look alike? Are there any
hereditary health concerns? Can we genuinely connect and form a bond?
These are just examples of missing pieces that can be found … if we desire
to find them. I’m happy to say that as “long lost” siblings, we are off to a
good start.
Don’t close your mind because you don’t understand. Years ago I learned
that capacity is an important component in a relationship. Sometimes you
don’t get what you think you should because the other party may not be
capable of giving you what you need. Once you realize that, you can manage
your expectations. Therefore, you can’t allow someone else’s choices to
keep you from opening your mind and your heart from possibly building a
meaningful relationship with someone else.
The why is not as important as we think it is. This thought process
requires prioritizing. What’s most important? Is it the relationship, or is it
the drama? When we learn how to leave the past behind and refuse to keep
digging it up, we find peace in the present, which allows us to shift our focus
to the future. That’s where I am. Inner work is important if you desire to live
a life that is chaos free. I’m glad I did my inner work years ago. Therefore,
the “why” is no longer important to me.
Rebuilding requires caution, compassion and courage. I have no doubt
that my sister was cautious. After all, she did not know what to expect. She
had very little information to go on but she jumped out there anyway. We
know that rebuilding includes compassion for each other’s feeling and
respecting each other’s space. This will take time … but it is time that I am
willing to give. The courage was all her. She made the first move and now
our brother and me will also have to display courage. Courage to heal,
courage to stay connected, courage to build a bond and courage to handle
whatever we need to do in order to protect our relationship.
I am grateful for the lessons, I am thankful for my sister and I look forward
to love, laughter and friendship. After all, “life is but a vapor” and it’s too
short to miss out on the things that matter the most.
Here’s to Family!!!!
Your Life Renovator,
